for your own growth

Your brain produces scenarios to prove you're right. It works like a workaholic producer providing you with every bit of deed that is necessary to keep your thoughts alive. And your thoughts are followed by your emotions, which are not always nice. When a feeling captures you, it becomes difficult to see your irrational behaviours circling it. You do whatever it takes to invalidate your emotions because you think that's your reality, that's what you are.

These days I'm suffering from feeling inadequate. There are tens of thoughts feeding this emotion. It's all mixed up. Some of them are memories; some of them are made-up stories that are very unlikely to happen. And some of them are just bad things that I tell myself. What I think grows and climbs in me like poison ivy, cute and cruel. Every time I refuse to act on it, it goes a little bit higher. I need to keep it away from my chest but my brain is fast. 

Like almost everything in life, this, as well, requires practice. Then, I have the freedom of choice. Will I stay in my head and get poisoned, or will I take responsibility to see the truth? "There is no birth without pain", someone told me today. When you're transforming into something new, it's only natural to be in discomfort. You cannot find ease and happiness in change. No matter what my thoughts say, I must eliminate them consciously. Because if I don't do something about them, the emotions will get stronger; I will struggle. The ivy will climb higher. And it'll turn into a vicious cycle where I beat myself with my own words. 

I must recognise: I am not seeking good feelings this time. I need to be aware that it is painful and demanding but it is necessary: To take responsibility for your own growth, not for the poison ivy.