HEALING MENTALLY CAN FEEL WEIRD AND UNKNOWN

Before, I needed to write to get things out of my chest. It was just a tool helps a little with my anger, anxiety, sadness and rage. It wasn't just writing, it was a need, you know, to face my emotions, to reflect the darkness inside me. 

Yet I've been feeling different recently. That darkness that I cannot rip off or split into pieces, the darkness that sits on my chest as a whole throughout all those years is now slowly disappearing. And I, naturally, am scared. The thing that I lived with all my life, the chaos that I've used to create something or to explain myself is now receding from my heart just like a wave crawling back to the ocean. 

This morning I woke up and felt that emptiness. At first, there was nothing to pour out onto the paper. I thought a while, watched the ceiling, gazed at the empty page in front of me, checked the patterns of the coffee table. 

And then, I noticed. I noticed that I've changed, that I'm changing. Everything that I intentionally applied to untie this knot has worked all together. 

But what will happen now? What am I gonna write? About what am I gonna talk about for tens of pages? What am I gonna be? Putting it into words like this sounds like I've lost something I'd loved. No, not exactly like that. 

I just feel empty. And I want to fill this emptiness with gratitude, courage, joy, exuberance, patience, serenity, and peace. I mean I want to use all those emotions that I've captivated inside me, that I've felt guilty and embarrassed about all those years. 

Because now, I am ready. Now, I feel good. And I am writing these in case there is someone else who declared their sadness as their identity; someone who has been struggling with the same darkness and believing that there isn't a way out. I know it is difficult but I also do know there is a way out.

The secret is to believe. And when you accept it, it'll occur right here 👉🏻❤️

With love, always.