bedroom hymns

After a Yin Yoga session, I, once, realized how energetic our bodies are, what we carry inside these bones and flesh.

As I am sitting for a chakra meditation or in a pose for a certain period of time, I feel the vibration in my cells.

Liability to the mind can misguide you. It can be delusional. But your body, on the contrary, is there, waiting to be explored, to be depended upon. 

Then I think:

Throughout all my life, all physical activities I have ever tried have been for my appearance rather than feeling mentally or instinctively well inside. 

I have always thought if my body looks good enough, all my imperfections will disappear and I am going to feel completed. You can define perfection in your own words. For me, it was being fit and flexible enough to prove that I can be "something". I created an impossible image to reach. It was not imagining, it was invalidly demanding. 

I am sure it happens all of us. We direct our attention to external factors such as thoughts or words of others, or even physical appearance of others. We compare ourselves with others before we even know it. 

When I did these, working out very hard/limiting food intake to remain fit, what I had was, in the end, a good-looking body but a (so to speak) broken mind.

Everything I was doing was for the image I saw in the mirror. That was not my first goal at all. I had just wanted to feel completed, not to be crashed. 

Then I notice:

I was not only a body. I am a whole with my body, mind and soul. 

I now enjoy observing every part of my body, seeing how energy flows inside, how my thoughts follow one another and how I (my mind) respond them.

We need to be gentle, unbiased, and friendly towards ourselves to see the whole. Because sometimes what I find inside is not even nice. It can be rage, something evil, jealousy, sadness, fear, loneliness. But now I know I do not have to chase them away to feel good. 

Just as I am accepting my body the way it is, I am also seeing and accepting my thoughts and their effects on my mind and energy. 

"I am not here looking for absolution
Because I found myself an old solution."