What is my purpose in life? What makes me happy? What is happy? Do I have a goal? Do I have to have a goal? Am I doing it right? What is next? What is happening now?
These are only SOME of the questions echoing in my mind almost every day. They are like missing calls that I deliberately choose not to answer because I do not have any reasonable statements against them. Because it scares me that I will conclude 'I am not capable of doing anything' while pursuing the answers.
However, life can be surprising when you do not shut your perception to the others. Something has happened lately. Something that made me think "Could this be what I want?" Imagine the sensation of watching the snow with your cup of coffee from a cozy place. Purity. This something made me feel like that.
A person who needed some help to move on, to stop fighting with himself asked about my experiences with yoga and meditation. I knew the moment I read his messages my eyes sparkled. I knew that I wanted to do anything to lead him effectively. It has just relieved me that people can need my assistance on something that I have been trying to upgrade myself consistently. I did nothing but listening and explaining my journey but that was what he wished already.
I know it sometimes seems like I am trying to show off with all these fancy photographs or sentences. I know I sometimes sound like a cheap self-help book(such as Fuck It or The Secret,ugh terrible), yet writing here or writing in general gives a purpose for my life. Believe or not, trying to improve both my personality and my muscles by following yogic methods helps me to think clearly. It paves the way that I want to walk on. It teaches me decency, transparency, love, affection, acceptance and kindness. These are all who I want to become. These are the tools that I can use to inspire people to make them believe again.
In all my life, I have been with my depression. It never leaves me alone and we are still together. Even now when I am writing these, my eyes are filling with tears because I know such a huge burden I have carried on my shoulders throughout all these years. I remember how hopeless and exhausted I was. I held on to a tiny piece of sparkling in my eyes when I first did yoga. And now, I am holding on to an acknowledged piece of sparkling in my eyes when someone asks me about my practice.
I want to inspire people. I am neither a guide nor an instructor but I want to put that gleam back by reminding them "I was there, too."
I probably will never be able to find valid answers to those questions I have mentioned at the beginning. I could never tell you what is happiness because knowing or telling doesn't make sense. Experiencing it does. Sharing it does.
I am wholeheartedly grateful that I am sharing it with anyone in need. I am grateful that you have read so far and become a part of my story.
The light in me bows to the light in you, even it is a tiny piece of sparkling for now.
Namaste.
