a short appreciation for the present state of my mind:

It’s been 13 days since my last post here, my 100th post. I was lost in my own thoughts and actions. My daily life kept me so out of control of my mind that I got stuck in sadness again. There were no excuses for me to make up because I knew what was inside me and I knew I could not fool myself. I was there before and I passed this stage. I wasn’t intended to go back and learn all those one more time. That’s why I kept waiting without pushing myself into the actions that I didn’t really want to do. I waited. I observed my thoughts and body. I realised what I needed. I saw my weaknesses and strengths. I kept being quiet to hear what my heart was saying to me. To be honest, I am not done yet. I am still trying to figure it out and I am still exploring what is best for me. But I am completely sure of one thing: I should not hurry. Hurrying ruins everything I do or I want to do. Throughout my life I have been called by myself and the others impatient or irascible. What if this is the reason of my being so? What if I could teach my mind to be as calm as the depth of the oceans? As Buddha said once “Learn this from water: loud splashes the brook but the oceans depth are calm.” I have seen that my own “nature” that is assigned to me is splashing everywhere in my life. I have seen that I am the one who can change it and find the tranquillity of the peaceful depths. But for this, I need to learn to be patient. I need to learn to be me. I need to learn to be sad sometimes. Being sad is neither a failure nor a mistake. It’s just me. The important thing is to dive into the bottom of your own mind to chase the serenity. I am so glad that I have taught this myself. I am not depressed, I am just bubbling on the surface sometimes, which does not define me completely. Like the tip of the iceberg. Do not let yourself think you are made of what is only seen. Be your own power because “Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.”

Namaste.