day 51 - have you ever kissed yourself?

Confidence Boost. I really needed this yoga session today. All day long at the office I tried to finish a report and I couldn’t complete. It made me almost cry because I felt inefficient and stupid. I really gave my best but still couldn’t manage so everything I had been trying to control in my brain suddenly came into the surface. I was disturbed by my tantrum. For a while I hadn’t had this amount of anger in my brain cells. I had been managing to limit or control it easily by breath exercises. I don’t even remember the last time I cried because of my anger. (I usually cry when I am severely angry by the way) Today I didn’t weep. I went for a walk instead of taking the train. I listened to some satanic music while walking. I chewed a gum. I breathed deeply and told myself I needed a yoga session that would relieve my stress.

Today has become a yoga session in the end, but I still stepped on my mat eagerly. I know I am not applying the schedule I prepared. It’s because I need to replace standing wide legged forward fold videos with something else. I perform it at the end of the videos. However, I will continue with Fiji’s lessons starting on Thursday this week. To be honest, I am quite excited for them. We’ll see.

For the next month I decided to focus on my spinal strength and flexibility. I have made some researches about yoga asanas for it. I will prepare a list and create a flow that I will be following in the first two weeks of November. It means a lot of work to do… I wish this blog was my only responsibility. I wish I had enough money to live so that I could write detailed lists, lots of posts, take good photos. *Sigh* For instance I didn't take any photos today because I wasn't in the mood due to the stress level of the day. So here is a photograph taken long ago.

I will keep moving one way or another. It’s day 51, I have another 314 days to go. I wonder when I will start to count down these, lol.

Before sleeping I will listen to another meditation podcast which is specially made for bedtime. These Spotify podcasts really have disturbing and boring advertisements but unfortunately my mind is not ready to be guided by me. Sometimes I consider myself as a Sim. In the game I push my Sims too hard to achieve their career goals. If they need to be good at some skills, they read until they piss themselves. I wish I could apply “testingcheatsenabled true” cheat code into my life. Hungry? Push the button and reload the bar. Need a shower? Just turn the colour orange into green. Ahhh. Life is never easy friends.

If you ever have any doubts about anything, just hug your arms around your shoulders and kiss them. For fuck’s sake you will live in this body till you die, of course you can kiss yourself! Do not let the anger consume you. The moment you live deserves something better. We aren’t saints but we surely can control our mind and body by taming them!

I am super because I am me. You are super because you are you. We have each other and we have yoga to keep us together.

Namaste!