daY 40 why not? - out of my comfort zone

today's video

Doing yoga every damn day means stepping out of my comfort zone. I come home tired at 7 pm every evening. I barely have time to prepare and eat some food. That’s why I wasn’t so sure to start this 365 days yoga challenge. On 41^st day I am still questioning whether I will be able to keep going or not. It feels good to know I am doing something for myself. All day, all week I try to please others. I work, I show my love and affection to others. I clean the house, cook, and pet the cats. Almost everything except for yoga is for someone else. I already do not have much time and money to travel. I read books on my way to work or during my lunch times because at home I am too tired to do so. Cinema, concerts or theatre are events that happen once in a while in my life. I go out to drink alcohol once or twice in a month if I am too lucky to have some friends to accompany me. In my life, my own life, I do not do things for myself when I am battling with every day endeavours. At this point, yoga becomes crucially important because if I don’t do yoga what will I do for my being?

I want to witness my evolution. I want to say “I believed and I could”. I am not scared of the way I am heading but I need to learn this thing properly. It’s too blurry to figure out sometimes if I am doing right some main things, a posture for instance. I demand answers but I see that I don’t have enough time to research online every fucking thing. Not a big trouble but it keeps my mind busy.

I need a meditation that will throw off my balance. A meditation that will clear my mind and make me more grateful for my life. Overall, gratitude is what saves the day. Sadly I don’t know much about meditating. I do of course, I try at least but it feels I am doing something wrong all the time. Maybe it’s because I am always too tired to focus on but it needs to be that way. What I desire is to relax my brain cells and overcome my physical tiredness through the peace in my head.

For these reasons, I’ve decided to make a schedule for myself now that it’s the beginning of a month. I will start to work on it tomorrow and hopefully will be applying on Monday. I will jot down everything I wish to explore and improve but will keep it slow. My tasks and targets will be easy at first so do not put much faith in this planning thing. Let’s try and see because why not?

“What lies in our power to do lies in our power not to do.”